Updated: May 21, 2020
Self worth, self esteem and worthiness are feelings that will come and go. As much as you may want to pursue these feelings with the intent to keep them forever, there is no escaping the natural ebb and flow of life.
What does it really mean to feel worthy?
This is one question that I have pondered for years. In my journey of self awareness and human evolution, worthiness has been a central theme.
So many teachers offer their knowledge, opinions and insights on the topic of worthiness, self esteem, and self worth.
After years of my own investigation into self worth, self esteem and worthiness, I have come to one conclusion...worthiness is not a destination it is definitely a journey.
Worthiness is NOT:
who you are
a reward for good behaviour
something that needs to be obtained
something you can manipulate
We tend to overcomplicate this subject and create a whole lot of stress for ourselves. Self worth, self esteem and worthiness are feelings. Feelings come and go. As much as we humans want to desperately hold on to the feelings that feel good and want to escape the feelings that feel bad, there is no escaping the natural ebb and flow of life. When we resist what is, what is persists.
When we pursue self worth, self esteem and worthiness as if it is a material thing that we can hold onto, control and accumulate, we are destined to be disappointed. Perhaps even worse than disappointment is the self betrayal that comes along with the pursuit of worthiness.
In the pursuit of worthiness and in the name of building self esteem we take actions that betray our core values. Often we are not aware of consequences of our actions, nor are we aware of our motive. I freely admit that I spent many years desperately seeking the approval of others in order to feel valuable, to feel that magical feeling of worthiness.
In my own journey, I was never satisfied with a moment of feeling valued. I did not even spend any time appreciating the feeling before I started planning my next move to gain some more value. Now that I am aware of the feeling of worthiness, I am deeply grateful for every moment that I feel that I have value, that I make a difference, that I matter. It has made the feeling of worthiness that much sweeter.
Many spiritual leaders teach that true worthiness is believing you are enough, that you are worthy simply for being alive. I don't disagree, I believe this to be a universal truth. I also believe this is a tall order for a human being. Feel free to cut yourself a little slack if you need to take an action to feel worthy. Just remember to assess whether the action is in lines with your core values.
True peace of mind comes from accepting all feelings as they come. When you have the moments of feeling completely worthless know that it is an emotion that will pass. It is not a condition, it does not mean that there something wrong with you, or that you as a human being are just not worthy or that you haven’t figured out how to be worthy.
1. Accept the feeling of unworthiness - When you feel worthless, know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re simply human and not a computer. Accept the fact that you are feeling worthless and you can’t find your value at this moment. The act of accepting rather than fighting with these feelings will tremendously help you to get back to a place of worthiness and value.
2. Take a mental vacation - This is a period of time where you give yourself permission not to have to make any decisions or not make any commitments. You decide on the amount of time you can afford to do this. It could be for just a couple days or a few weeks. This will give your mind the ability to rest, decrease the mind activity and give your body the ability to relax as well. If you want more details on taking a mental vacation check out the blog my peanut is on vacation.
3. Make a list of your value and worth - Start the list in your journal or on a piece of paper. Write the title "My Value and Worth". Even if all you do is put the title down and you can’t think of one thing to put on the list that’s OK. As soon as you start this exercise, you’ll be amazed at how things will start to pop into your mind. I also suggest that you spend 10 minutes a day with the list in front of you and allow for anything to show up to add to the list. Don’t judge the things that show up, write them down.
4. Practice love and kindness - Choose to be compassionate and loving to yourself first. Show up with love even when your ego is desperately telling you to show with anger or frustration. Oprah said in one of her podcasts that "the true meaning of success is the feeling of self respect". She went on to say that the best way you can increase your value and worthiness is to act in a way that increases your self respect.
5. Allow yourself the pacify your worthiness - It’s OK to also take into account the things that you’re doing that make you feel valuable, not just simply who you are being. When you feel that sweet feeling of worthiness, don't judge it, just immerse yourself in it.
Have you ever felt unworthy, how did you manage the emotion? What do you do to increase your value and self worth? Share your insights in the comment section below.
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Wishing you love, joy and peace,