Updated: May 21
Alone is a mind concept, it's made up, it's not true. You are never alone. You are connected to a universal power that is infinite and loves you for who you are right now.
If you have ever struggled with loneliness you know that it can be debilitating. I have spent most of my adult life strategizing and manipulating circumstances to make sure I never end up alone. Frankly, it's been exhausting. I am ready to give it up. I surrender!
I do have a reference for the opposite feeling to loneliness. I remember feeling totally connected and loved. As a child I spend most of my time physically alone, but never feeling alone. I know the difference is only one thought away, ok more like 100,000 thoughts away...When we start to think about what it means to be alone, we ruminate, and we create false stories.
If you don't have the option to connect to another human being in your time of loneliness, connect to nature. Today, I went for a walk and I instantly felt that strong presence of connection. As I watched the snow fall and the river flow, I felt completely safe, loved and I knew in my heart I am never alone.
How does loneliness creep in?
If we are never truly alone, how come we feel the unbearable sting of loneliness?
In my experience it begins with a lack of connection. Humans have a primary need to feel connected, to be part of a tribe, to be part of the universe. Any life experience that creates a sense of rejection, that breaks a connection will result in feeling alone. It can be a temporary emotion or it can become part of your story...the difference lies in how you think, or what you think, and really for how long you think it.
I first felt loneliness after I moved away from nature and felt rejected by my peers. Immigrant kids were really made fun when I moved to Canada, I honestly hope that it is not so prevalent now.
I was deeply rooted and connected to nature in Portugal as I spent most of my days amongst the trees, the insects and the land. I didn't question the meaning of life, I was just being. I realize I was a child and I didn't have a lot to contemplate. As an adult I find so much peace in remembering what it was like to just be.
Once I moved, I started to feel different, rejected and isolated. This started the cascade of thoughts that went something like this...I am not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, cool enough, funny enough...and so on.
Then I created stories that involved me trying very hard to make friends and keep friends. I used to plan who I would speak to, what I would say, how I would entice someone to play with me or pick me for their team in gym. This was my early days of strategizing.(Off topic but I think this really helped me in business later on, gotta make use of your pain somehow.)
Take these thoughts multiply them by a thousand every day and then add the horrible feelings that go along with these thoughts and you have the recipe for debilitating loneliness.
My circumstances changed two years later when I moved again to another school in the area, only this time I could speak the language and I was just a kid that moved from the neighbourhood across town. In my new school the kids accepted me and it became easier to make friends. So you would think that I dropped the loneliness stories and thoughts??? Well, not so much.
What happened was I buried the feelings of loneliness and I was relieved that I was not experiencing those feelings on a daily basis. I had created a loop of deep rooted thoughts that I was not enough, and I carried that with me even though it was not my reality anymore.
Instead, I became afraid of ever feeling that way again. As summer rolled around, I would start strategizing again...start planning who would be around in the summer that I could continue to connect with. I had lost my connection to nature and I did not even know how important that was to begin with, so I did not seek it. I searched for approval from other people so that I could keep my fear of loneliness in check.
I am sure you can imagine how much pain I invited in my life by carrying these false stories that I made up when I was only ten years old. We all have these type of stories that are NOT true, they are made up, they began as a few thoughts with some strong feelings and they multiplied over time to create false stories that rule our life.
The only way to truly get away from the suffering of the false stories we create is to deconstruct them, as I have deconstructed my loneliness story here for you. Do use it as an example of how to find the root of your thoughts and feelings that began your stories...perhaps it is loneliness or perhaps it is something entirely different. I am sure the pain is very similar.
Once you can see the evidence that your thoughts are creating your suffering, you can start to feel relief. You can see that there is another perspective. A miracle is really just a shift in perspective. Today, as I walked in the snow I experienced a miracle. I went from feeling alone and associating with a very old thought pattern to feeling completely connected in only a few minutes.
You are never alone.
How does loneliness creep into your life? How do you manage? Share your insights in the comment section below. If this blog resonates with you, please share it below on any of your social platforms.
Wishing you love, joy and peace,