Updated: May 21, 2020
You have a choice to view your story as a rare privilege...To heal your wounds and to be a better version of yourself for having taken the journey to self discovery.
My story as I recall...
I was born by the beach in a very small town, I spent my days riding my bike, free as a bird. I always felt safe and I never felt alone. Abundance was my experience even when my circumstances did not warrant that belief. My early years were by all accounts the essence of innocence.
Innocence as I experienced it was ... free from judgments of self and others, free of mind chatter, free of fear, free of limitations.
It was the true essence of freedom, living in the moment, an authentic sense of worthiness, and a tremendous joy in the presence of nature.
At the age of 10 everything changed for me. I moved away from the beach, away from nature, and I found myself in a big city. For the first time in my life I experienced loneliness. The feeling was horrific. I have spend the greater part of my adult life controlling everything around me, with the motive to not end up alone.
In my attempt to not feel the loneliness, I have played the victim, I have sabotaged relationships, I have suffered, and most of all I have played small.
Awakening to this reality has been sobering in many ways. For several years now, I have been on a journey of self discovery. Not that I woke up one day inspired to begin the journey, no I was shoved off a big giant cliff. For me that cliff came in the form of high intensity anxiety that pretty much paralyzed me from continuing to live life as I had been living for the last 20 years.
The first few years of self discovery were filled with suffering, physical and emotional pain, mental anguish, anger and frustration. Awareness became a curse, I longed for the days when I was sleep walking thru life. Somehow that seemed better at times. It is a long windy road to self acceptance, to peace, to finding my path back to innocence.
I now know I have a choice to look at my experience and judge it with a victim mentality or to judge it as a rare privilege to be me.
I choose to see all my experiences as a rare privilege. I am immensely grateful for all the teachers, all the written and spoken words that have come into my life during the path to self discovery.