Updated: Feb 28, 2019
The temporary high of blaming someone for your pain is highly addictive. The drawback is you will never win your true desires as long as you play the blame game.
When you blame, complain, and feel sorry for yourself - you lose every single time. Guaranteed!.
Anger and blaming is a false power. It is highly addictive because it feels really (really X10) good temporarily. When you let out anger, it feels like a great release. So you chase it as often as you can, you chase the high. Just like any drug that is addictive it is all about the immediate high.
As long as you can find someone to blame, you can justify and stay in control. You avoid having to look within, which can be a lot more complicated and involve a lot more pain in the short term.
The dictionary defines addiction as "a compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance". Although, you can't ingest blame like a substance, it is a habit that easily becomes compulsive and addictive.
Tara Brach, the author of Radical Acceptance says that "when we are convinced someone else is wrong and we focus our attention on them, we are not able to access our own power and our own resourcefulness".
It's a mind trick to blame, because as long as you are blaming you are stuck in the mind unable to move forward and take positive action towards your desires.
Will you try this experiment with me?
Think about something that you truly desire...Now be honest with yourself, is there anyone that you blame for you not having what you desire?
If you answered yes. You are not alone. I will confess and join you.
Although, I have tried to quit the blame game many times. I am still slightly addicted. However, I will give myself some serious kudos because I used to be a junkie.
So why is the blame game so additive?
There are three main culprits that make blame so addictive. Let's take a closer look at all three:
Provides a sense of control and safety - When you blame someone else you feel in control, and being in control makes us feel safe. It is a basic human need to feel safe. Never underestimate the human desire to fulfill basic needs.
Stops the real emotion - To avoid feeling sadness, shame, fear, and other more undesired emotions, blame allows you to feel anger. Anger actually feels good compared to the emotions above. Anger puts a temporary bandaid over the real feelings and suppresses them so that we don't have to feel them.
Feeds the ego - Blaming allows the ego to feel superior and better than the person you are blaming. Our egos are always hungry to feel better than others. This is where we gain a false sense of worthiness. I say false because the ego will never let you rest in worthiness for just being you. Ego will constantly need more and more to feed it's sense of worthiness.
When I was unaware of what blame was doing to me and my desires, I was a formidable competitor in the blame game. Once I became aware that blame was holding me back and keeping me stuck in an emotional torment, I did take steps to stop playing the game...at least stop playing it so well.
When I catch myself blaming, I take these 4 steps to access my own power and get passed the blame.
Stay in the awareness - allow a few moments of the blaming to run thru my mind so I can clearly investigate what it is trying to tell me.
Notice the emotion underneath the anger - Yes, anger is the first emotion when you are blaming...but there is always another emotion beneath the surface that is trying to expose itself.
Give the bottom feeder some air time - The lower emotions are bottom feeders, they are unpleasant and very undesirable...and they will keep living there in your body feeding and staying alive unless you give them air time and allow them to pass in time.
Make an action plan - If I am blaming it's because I am trying to avoid doing something that I need to do for my own good and the longer I stay in blame the longer I avoid taking action.
I am going to make a big confession here...ready?
Don't hold it against me. I am a human evolving.
When I was a blame game junkie I used to take a quick action as soon as I was engaged in blame. The action - well revenge, of course.
This was another way I fooled myself into feeling in control and safe. I would take the action in a space of reaction, and no good ever came of any revenge.
Now when I run the four steps above, I don't always take a quick action because most times I need to run those four steps multiple times in order to gain the clarity on the right action to take.
I look for positive inspired action. I know I have arrived there when the action feels exciting (many times there is fear mixed in with the excitement).
Blame - You have been exposed!
Now it's your turn to STOP trying so hard to win the blame game.
Take your time. You decide when you are ready to access your own power and your own resourcefulness to WIN all your desires.
Why is is so hard to stop the blame game? Share your insights in the comment section below.
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Wishing you love, joy and peace,